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主题:FML中文网每日精选 2009-10-22

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发表于2009-10-24 09:47:21 |只看该作者

FML = f**k my life

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn''t have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn''t think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. Her dad has put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

Today, my wallet was stolen. On the way to the DMV to get a replacement license, I got pulled over for "driving too carefully" and got a ticket. When I tried to explain why I didn''t have my license or registration, the cop gave me another ticket. FML

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

Today, I found out who the father of my sister''s 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

Today, I had to come in to work even though I felt sick. My boss thought it''d be funny to pop out from around a corner and startle me, even though he knew I was sick. He made me clean up the vomit that my queasy body expelled from being startled. FML

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you''re married too?" FML

Today, I texted my brother saying "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he answered: "You better not be doing drugs." FML

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

Today, my fiance and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son''s "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

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主题:FML中文网每日精选 2009-10-22

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