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主题:FML中文网每日精选 2009-10-22

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lovenini2009

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发表于2009-10-24 09:47:21 |只看该作者
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FML = f**k my life

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML
今天,我和我妹妹,我的室友还有我女友在我房间里面看电影。看到一半的时候,我女友起身离开房间发短消息给我说和我分手了。然后她回到房间里面,做在我床上,和我们一起继续享受剩下的电影。FML

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML
今天,我的数学老师决定用我脸上的痘痘来向全班同学解释什么是轴对称。FML

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML
今天,我在玩打彩弹射击的时候被射中了肚子,我痛苦的倒地,大口的喘气。这时,有个2B过来对着我的两腿之间又打了一枪。FML

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML
今天,我在加油站拿出钱包付100刀的油钱的时候,我发现钱包里面的钱没了,取而代之的是一张纸条,上面写着“你的钱我借走了,我很饿”FML

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn''t have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn''t think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML
今天,我开了我21岁的生日“趴替”。我的朋友们先前告诉我一定要开个趴替,即使真正的生日已经过了5个月了。他们问我为什么当时不开趴替,我开玩笑地说,开了也没人来啊。确实没有人来。FML

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. Her dad has put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML
今天,我帮一个朋友装修。她老爸搭了一些架子,我们以为很坚固,但是它倒了。很多名贵的花瓶、收藏品都摔在地上。处于本能,我伸手接住了离我最近的一个东西,那不是名贵的花瓶,那是一个仙人球。FML

Today, my wallet was stolen. On the way to the DMV to get a replacement license, I got pulled over for "driving too carefully" and got a ticket. When I tried to explain why I didn''t have my license or registration, the cop gave me another ticket. FML
今天,我的钱包被偷了,在我去车管所去弄个临时驾照的路上,我被警察拦下来了,他说我“开车太小心”,给了我一张罚单。在听了我为什么没有驾照的解释以后,他又给我开了张。FML

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
今天,我感觉胃不舒服,我吃了点面条以减轻一点痛苦。不一会儿,我的胃更难受了,然后我就吐了,有面条是从我的鼻子出来的。。。FML

Today, I found out who the father of my sister''s 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML
今天,我弄清楚了谁是我妹妹4岁的儿子的父亲。是和我结婚7年了的丈夫。FML

Today, I had to come in to work even though I felt sick. My boss thought it''d be funny to pop out from around a corner and startle me, even though he knew I was sick. He made me clean up the vomit that my queasy body expelled from being startled. FML
今天,我带病去上班,我老板知道我生病了,但是还是打算躲在角落里面吓我一下取乐。他是让我自己清理我的呕吐物的。。。FML

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you''re married too?" FML
今天,我和我男友在一起缠绵,我想增加一点性趣,于是我告诉他每次和他在一起的时候我总是很内疚。他一把把我推开,说“啊,你也结婚啦?”FML

Today, I texted my brother saying "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he answered: "You better not be doing drugs." FML
今天,我给我男友发短消息说“要记着我爱你,一定要记着哦!”,他回复是“你是不是在嗑药?”FML

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
今天,我家的猫成功地将我和我老爸锁在门外。真是一只好猫!FML

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML
今天,是我和男友恋爱2个月的纪念日。我男友给我的惊喜是:他用刀把我的名字缩写刻在了他的腿上,现在还血淋淋呢。。。FML

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML
今天,吃午饭的时候,一只苍蝇在我饭上面飞来飞去的。我用我的餐巾纸在半空中把它给捏死了,我好牛啊!我继续吃饭,然后吃完以后,拿起那块餐巾纸就擦嘴巴。我现在还在感到恶心呢,报应啊!FML

Today, my fiance and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son''s "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
今天,我跟未婚夫一起去和他妈妈吃午饭,顺便讨论婚礼的计划。当我们到那的时候,我去洗手间吸收。我听到一个妇女在小隔间讲电话,在说她儿子那“令人作呕的放荡女友”一阵冲水声过后,我的准婆婆走了出来。FML



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